You watch that entrepreneur at a TED talk, you see that musician on stage, you listen to that spine-tingling interview with your favorite TV star.
And you think: “God, I wish I had that kind of charisma”.
Some people seem to draw us in like a magnet. We sit at the dinner table entranced by their every word. They tell stories that leave a crowd of people’s mouths hanging open like expectant dogs waiting to be fed with another juicy morsel.
How do they do it?
Charisma is easily misunderstood, because it seems so mysterious, like an ethereal aura that is only bestowed upon a chosen few.
I used to believe that, until a couple of years ago when I made my own discovery about charisma. It happened by watching someone grow from a shy and reserved teenager to a powerhouse of confidence and personality: my brother Matthew.
But before I reveal all about that, I want to put an end to some of the dumb myths about charisma.
5 Big Myths About Charisma
#1 You either have it, or you don’t
This is the most pervasive myth of all: some people are born with it, the rest of us can never have it.
We see a great author or scientist on stage at a TED talk holding court, the audience eating out of the palm of their hand, and we imagine they were born with a natural gift for communication.
99% of the time this is nonsense.
Aside from maybe 1 or 2 genetic anomalies, for most people, it take hours and hours of practice.
The best people learn to repeatedly critique their own performance. They learn the best techniques for crafting an emotional message. They refine their script, polish their words, and work at the craft of storytelling until it’s second nature.
All of these elements combined fuse together to create the holy force of charisma, and it’s something anyone can learn (more about how to do this too later).
#2 I need more money, status, success to be charismatic
People think riches and a great career can be a shortcut to charisma (spoiler alert: they’re not).
Countless people are born to wealth and yet fail to captivate a single person when they speak. I’ve worked with plenty of successful people who struggle to attract someone of the opposite sex, or who find it impossible to give an after dinner speech.
Charisma isn’t a by-product of earthly riches. It is an independent skill, which has its own rules for mastery.
The sooner we put away our obsession with wealth and status, the sooner we learn the truth: Charisma is about the strength of our character, not the size of our bank account.
#3 “Charisma isn’t necessary – what really matters is hard work”
No-one believes in hard work more than I do.
Most of my day job is writing alone at a desk. I’d love to believe that I could stay in my cocoon, slave away all day, and send my work off into the world without ever having to interact with others.
But that’s not real life.
No matter what our work, at some point we will all need to sell an idea, present our work, make a difficult speech, have a tough conversation, convince others to change their mind, pass an interview, manage other people, and prove ourselves in person.
I don’t care if you’re sheltered away in a lab tinkering with a supercomputer all day, at some point, we have to step out into the world and reveal ourselves. And that’s when charisma becomes essential.
Charisma on it’s own doesn’t mean a lot. But charisma + substantial work = unlimited results.
#4 Charisma means being arrogant
It’s tempting to think charisma is a superficial skill, one that involves constantly singing our own praises and being over-confident in our abilities.
But it’s actually the opposite: Real charisma comes from a deeply authentic place where we are comfortable with who we are, so much so that we don’t mind being vulnerable and revealing our flaws.
It’s about creating a genuine connection with others and deeply understanding their needs so that they want to follow you, whereas arrogance just breeds hostility and makes people want to cut you down to size.
#5 “Charisma is for extroverts – but I’m an introvert”
This is a popular refrain, “charisma is an extrovert skill, it’s not fair to expect introverts like me to work on it. It’s not on my nature.”
Look, charisma has nothing to do with being the loudest person at the party. Otherwise we’d have to conclude that every drunken frat boy at a rave was the most charismatic person on this earth (yea, didn’t think so…).
Famous self-identified introverts include: Barack Obama, Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Jimi Hendrix…not exactly people you’d say suffer from a lack of charisma.
Charisma isn’t about being an extrovert, it’s about being able to inspire others and captivate them with what you say and do.
Which leads me to…
The First Five Minutes: Why I HAD To Write A Guide On Charisma (Download HERE)
It might surprise you to hear that even my brother Matt is a natural introvert.
He’s someone who growing up used to hate the idea of being up on stage, and was absolutely terrified of being put on the spot front of crowds. Yet today he gives seminars to thousands of women as his day job.
This is something I think Matt never speaks about enough, and for this reason, a while ago I decided to put together a guide that would reveal all of Matt’s well-honed secrets that helped him acquire the charisma he has today.
I call it “The First Five Minutes”, and when you download and start reading it you’ll soon see why.
In this free guide, I decided it was time to share Matt’s best techniques that he uses to charm people at dinner parties, interviews, pitches, and even on dates, which enabled him to win people over in the first 5 minutes of every interaction.
Click HERE to download your copy now…
Read it and you’ll instantly learn how to charm people with your personality.
And please let me know what you think in the comments below. I invested many hours writing “The First Five Minutes” and would love to hear your feedback and comments.