Being a pessimist and finding love is hard work.
And unfortunately, struggling in single life can make one even more pessimistic than before they started trying. But it must be resisted at all costs.
Here are some reasons why: pessimism (and its cousin, cynicism) are exhausting to be around for long. They’re indulgent, they’re tiresome, and they shut down possibility.
Think about it. The best adventures tend to come from those who are seeking something better, who believe in some brighter future, some way to enhance the experience, a feeling of “this just might work”.
Pessimism closes the door on excitement.
You go on a date with someone who complains, “I never seem to get lucky in love”, or “I just pick all the wrong people”. Ugh, really? Maybe it’s harsh, but is that really what anyone wants to settle for? No-one feels excited to partner up with the person who treats themselves as the jaded left-behind.
We want people who inspire us. People who make us believe in a compelling future that we might be lucky enough to be a part of. People who remind us of all the things that make the world great.
I’m not one for foolish “pretend-you’re-always-happy” optimism. No-one would ever accuse me of sauntering into a room clicking my heels with a plastic smile on my face (most people tell me to smile more, truth be told). Nor would I recommend you suddenly start polluting your Instagram feed with positivity porn.
But optimism, the belief that great things are ahead, is irresistible. Or perhaps just even the belief that you can make any situation more fun just for being there. Maybe it’s just showing more curiosity and wonder at the everyday than anyone else.
If you can make anyone see the lovelier side of things, you become lovelier. If you can laugh and make others feel your generosity of spirit, you become the source of energy that others want to be close to.
Paint a compelling future for yourself (even if it’s just in your words at first), and someone will always want to be a part of it.